bostonbubble.com

john p · Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 1820

The best thing you can do for that child is go to marriage counseling. If you can't afford that, go talk to an older couple that has weathered a few storms. If you live near a Catholic Church, call the Rectory and ask if you can attend one of their Marriage Prep courses or at least speak with a married couple that teaches Pre-Cana. I learned a ton before getting married, things like the "How to fight fair" session was about not focusing on "winning the argument" but helping you partner get out the bad feelings in them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pre-Cana

Fuck the house, fuck everything; your kid is better off living in a carboard box in a loving family than a mansion without. If you both have trauma due to something in your past, be a hero and let it stop with you and be strong for you child. If you made a mistake with the marriage and you will never live happily that is another thing, but you need to focus on your marriage before you draw that conclusion or make the problem more complicated.

I went to a few funerals recently and that puts things into perspective. Money doesn't matter. Marriage and family is number one. Good people won't look down on you if you don't live in a fancy place, and the people that it might impress aren't worth your time on earth.

john p · Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 1820

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_Encounter

Boston ITer · Joined: 11 Jan 2010 Posts: 269

Kaidran · Joined: 17 Mar 2010 Posts: 289

Hold on guys, his wife is nesting while 7 months pregnant and he does not want to buy a house. Lets not send them to marriage counseling yet. There should be enough here to make a stronger argument about not buying yet that might convince her.

The biggest thing is that dealing with a new house and a new baby are going to make things harder, not easier. My kids have no concept of renting vs owning. Not having to deal with maintenance at least they can sleep well through the night is priceless.

jfunk138 · Guest

Been there, done that on the pre-cana. Ultimately I think things will work out again but it's just so hard to sell the idea that there is no "rush to buy" when everyone around is telling us otherwise. It's REALLY hard to fight conventional wisdom.

I really liked the idea that Redfin is not commission based and I figured we could use them with ZERO pressure to buy. As it's turned out, the pressure level is not zero. It's good but not great. So it's me saying "no rush" against a Redfin agent saying "we need to decide very soon."

Kaidran · Joined: 17 Mar 2010 Posts: 289

Whether it is good or bad houses do seem to still sell quite fast so getting a strong offer in fast is a good plan. Most people here would agree that given prices vs incomes there is nowhere to go but down. That is why most people here are waiting.

Guest · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:02 pm GMT Post subject:

renterstill · Guest

Sorry, it was me above. Smile

john p · Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 1820

When my wife started in with the pressure because she was hearing the same kinds of things and went through the nesting thing, I gave her the "Let's be a smart couple" or a couple that can step away from the emotion and be rational. I told her that typical couples rushed in because they couldn't put themselves into a frame of mind where they could leave emotions aside for a minute to think clearly and told her that smart couples got ahead and that is the best thing we can do for our kids (when we have them...)

GenXer · Joined: 20 Feb 2009 Posts: 703

I usually explain this from a risk management point of view. Gets the other person to think about what would happen if the top earner loses his job (or both do). Not unheard of, and in current climate, more likely than ever. Of course, if there are other underlying issues, those usually come out in the process...

mpr · Joined: 06 Jun 2009 Posts: 344

How did you come up with $377.5K as a first offer.
Was it just by subtracting 5% from the list price ?

That's not a basis for anything. I mean if they had listed
for $425K would you have offered $400K.

Before offering you need to know the area well enough that
you can assess what a fair price would be. It doesn't sound
like you've looked at enough houses in the area. You should be
careful not to compare with a different, more expensive area,
since then suddenly everything looks like a good deal.

Making an offer can be very emotional and its easy to get attached
to a particular property - especially when you're seven months pregnant.

I'm not as negative as some others here who seem to regard buying a house - ipso facto - as an act of gross finanical irresoponsibility. But it does
sound like you need to do more homework.

Why dont you suggest to your wife that you tell the sellers to get in touch if they get another offer, and go and see some more houses in the area.

john p · Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 1820

Yeah, seeing more houses might take the focus off the other.

7 months pregnant must be like hormone city. My sister was so out of her mind she could suck the paint off your house and give your dog a permanent orange afro.

I'd be terrified of a 7 month pregnant hen and be like "yes dear", "yes dear". Which is what I do anyway... Hopefully you can convince her of two things: first you don't get the best deals during the Spring; in fact you can study Admin's charts and it is clear that there is a Spring Bounce of house prices. Secondly, if your offer goes through, you'd be closing right during the birth of the baby. I think your focus should be on the baby's first days and you don't want the hassle of packing and getting dust and stuff out there.

There are other focuses you can choose that might satisfy the nesting instinct on steroids with the hormones and perhaps you can focus on baby furniture shopping or clothing or something. Maybe plan out in detail the first few weeks and how that's going to game out.

You might not win this one; it's like plutonium you're dealing with; no flies on you if you don't, many a good man has fallen to a hen with something in her head. Just tell her you love her all the time...

Chee · Guest

jfunk138 · Guest

CC · Guest

This has nothing to do with negativity. Its zestimate is only $341k. You probably notice most recent final transactions are around or lower than zestimate. Besides, why would you want to spend that much of money on a house which is only 200m from a rail road and less than 400m to a major high way?