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GenXer
Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 703
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 Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:06 am GMT Post subject: |
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| jfunk138 wrote: | This might just be some pent up rage on her part but I'm beginning to suspect my marriage might not last a few weeks to see it sit...
She's been talking with our agent at Redfin who is telling us to bid 394,000. I know Redfin agents are not on commission but in order to get the reviews to get their bonus they need to close deals. Would you trust that the agent is providing accurate guidance on pricing? |
I can't seem to tell who's more desperate - you or the person who's selling?
It appears that you've got a bigger problem to worry about than bidding on this house. Since you've mentioned it twice already, just watch out. If you buy and your marriage goes south, maybe that would be a MUCH worse situation than if it goes south before you buy. The reasoun doesn't matter - if its not this, it could be anything else to set it off.
Are you sure you are not buying for the wrong reason (and therefore are pressured to spend a lot more than you may want to spend in the first place)? |
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john p
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
Posts: 1820
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:20 pm GMT Post subject: |
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Yeah, if you're not joking about having trouble with your marriage. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE.
Your marriage is the most important thing and I would drop everything and focus on that until you are on good footing. Don't juggle three balls if you can't handle one.
The wife is always number one. If you don't get that you shouldn't have gotten married to begin with. Get your head on straight before your problems magnify. |
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Guest
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:01 pm GMT Post subject: |
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[quote="GenXer"] | jfunk138 wrote: |
Are you sure you are not buying for the wrong reason (and therefore are pressured to spend a lot more than you may want to spend in the first place)? |
I'm certain you are right about buying for the wrong reason. Right now she is basically giving 2 reasons. First, she is 7 months pregnant and doesn't want the baby to be living in a rented apartment. Second, she is concerned about the tax credit and feels that we need to buy right now to take advantage of it.
We nearly went forward with a new construction home, but bailed when they wouldn't agree to some terms they had given in their own marketing literature and gave us a hard time about financing, inspection, and walk through clauses added by our attorney.
Our search started in January and by the end of February we had decided that no existing homes were what we wanted so we started the new construction route. After a month attempting to negotiate the P&S terms with the builder's unscrupulous agent we couldn't take it anymore and bailed. We're back looking at existing homes because there are a few more on the market now. |
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Guest
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:05 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| john p wrote: | Y
The wife is always number one. |
In order to give her what she wants, we must pay asking price for the home. Is this the right approach, to just pay full price for the sake of the marriage? |
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Kaidran
Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 289
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:10 pm GMT Post subject: |
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The baby will not care about living in a rental. There is only a problem if you have paper thin walls or or on the top floor. A good rental is actually much nicer because you dont have to worry about upkeep when you are adjusting to being parents. The recent flooding was a huge example of this for us.
The tax credit is likely boosting sales. Whatever benefits it gives you it gives to everybody else too, so once it is gone everybody is still in the same boat. If the credit boosts sales up to the deadline, likely sales after it will be weak and you would be more likely to get a good deal. The only difference is if you need the credit to afford a down payment in which case you should not buy a house anyway. |
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Kaidran
Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 289
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:13 pm GMT Post subject: |
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I think the point is owning a house can be very stressful in itself and dissolving it after a divorce is very costly. If you are not on the same page you are better off waiting until you can agree.
My wife and I look for very different things in a house so we have put off buying for a long time now. This is on the mutual understanding that if we find one we both like we will be very happy there and it probably would be worth whatever they were asking. (We would have factored in price on our like/dislike though). |
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renterstill
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:34 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | In order to give her what she wants, we must pay asking price for the home. Is this the right approach, to just pay full price for the sake of the marriage? |
From a woman's perspective. You need to be on the same page, otherwise one of you will grow resentful, bitter and taken advantage of. And most likely this will be you and this will not be the end of it.
I too had a knee jerk reaction and an urge to nest e.i. buy my OWN house when I was pregnant and starting growing resenful toward my DH (how utterly stupid), who was trying to reason and educate me. My emotional brain took over. Finally, I started getting all the facts straight and I got his reasoning and am greatful he DID NOT give in for the wrong reasons. It was 5 years ago in the midst of the bubble. Guess what? 5 years later, we are still renting (a house, which is still much less than PITI for a similar house in the area). We have built up quite sizable savings that will take us a long way and allowed my DH to be a stay-at-home Dad rather than sending our child to the institution 50 hrs /week. We are even contemplaiting home schooling because we don't have to rely on two incomes for our life style. We can pick up and go as we wish. Our son is happy, precocious, and very well adusted and we are still....renters. What EXACTLY is wrong with this picture? Other than he does not have stressed out, resentful and bitter parents because they overextended themselves financially.
Don't buy into the whole "gotta have a house for the BABY" That's a complete bogus. Who cares what the Jones think? They are renters too, only from the bank and probably up-side-down.
You have a bigge fish to fry here than the negotiation of THIS particular house.
Point her to this blog, or "Calculated Risk" or "Authomatic Earth", or "Paper money". Let her get all the facts right, tthere are resources, then maybe, just maybe she will change her mind. If this house drops 10% in a year your ENTIRE downpayment goes bye, bye and you won't see it for many years to come. They are over 3mln house poised for foreclosure this year. This market is NOT going anywhere but down.
Good luck  |
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GenXer
Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 703
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:57 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| The so-called 'deduction' is what? $8k? And you are willing to pay how much extra for it? $20k? Or even more? You are willing to overpay by orders of magnitude! What's the point of a deduction? It sounds like you guys need financial counselling. I'm familiar with this nesting hyper-instinct, but that's the fastest way to ruin a marriage - by basically putting a big dent on your finances. We haven't even started discussing the multi-$k furnishings and moving expenses, as well as new kitchens, etc. If $20k is a deal-breaker, it sounds like you need to really discuss finances with her. Don't be forced to buy for a very bad financial reason in addition to the wrong emotional one. |
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GenXer
Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 703
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:02 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| renterstill wrote: | We are even contemplaiting home schooling because we don't have to rely on two incomes for our life style. We can pick up and go as we wish. Our son is happy, precocious, and very well adusted and we are still....renters. What EXACTLY is wrong with this picture? Other than he does not have stressed out, resentful and bitter parents because they overextended themselves financially.
Don't buy into the whole "gotta have a house for the BABY" That's a complete bogus. Who cares what the Jones think? They are renters too, only from the bank and probably up-side-down.
You have a bigge fish to fry here than the negotiation of THIS particular house. |
Amen. One more vote for homeschooling. Way to go! Goes well with renting, too. Save money AND enjoy your time with the kids. |
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Kaidran
Joined: 17 Mar 2010
Posts: 289
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:14 pm GMT Post subject: |
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No more homeschooling debates please.
The tax credit is nothing if you are comparing to the price of a house but if you are comparing it to the price of the down payment then it is a big deal to people that are willing to over leverage themselves. I am very anxious to see how things turn out in May once it has expired. |
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Boston ITer
Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Posts: 269
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:53 pm GMT Post subject: |
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Hello renterstill,
Congratulations on your plans, GenXer and I ran a full court press on Kaidran, Chee, John, & others so I'm going light on the homeschooling thing today.
BTW, there are kids in my apartment blding as well and the parents seem more relaxed and friendly towards their neighbors. I don't see this as a negative environment as these kids, ages 4 to 12, seem to be quite outgoing and willing to strike up conversations with adults w/o feeling like they're too young for the interaction. |
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renterstill
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:19 pm GMT Post subject: |
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Sorry, I didn't mean to derail the discussion. Just started reading the other thread.
Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising kids in the rental apartments. Kids don't have a problem with it, but parents might and they project it to their kids.
Bottom line, if a buyer needs a 8K tax incentive to buy a house, he cannot effort it to begin with he should not even think of buying at this time.
None of my business really but why exactly do you guys need an over 300sfh? What's wrong with a house half the size and 100K cheaper in this area?
my 2c. |
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Renting in Mass
Joined: 26 Jun 2008
Posts: 381
Location: In a house I bought in December 2011
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:17 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Would you trust that the agent is providing accurate guidance on pricing? |
I wouldn't trust an agent to provide proper guidance on which way is up.
| Quote: |
First, she is 7 months pregnant and doesn't want the baby to be living in a rented apartment. |
It sounds like you're rushing this purchase. I would advise slowing down. The baby won't mind living in a rental. My daughter is almost two, and she hasn't complained yet  |
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Renting in Mass
Joined: 26 Jun 2008
Posts: 381
Location: In a house I bought in December 2011
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:22 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I too had a knee jerk reaction and an urge to nest e.i. buy my OWN house when I was pregnant and starting growing resenful toward my DH (how utterly stupid), who was trying to reason and educate me. My emotional brain took over. Finally, I started getting all the facts straight and I got his reasoning and am greatful he DID NOT give in for the wrong reasons. |
Oh man, that sounds familiar! |
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jfunk138
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 5:33 pm GMT Post subject: |
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| renterstill wrote: | None of my business really but why exactly do you guys need an over 300sfh? What's wrong with a house half the size and 100K cheaper in this area?
my 2c. |
OP here again... Thanks to all the commenters for their points of view, I didn't realize the interest this would get. The house I listed is not really "3450" sqft. It's 2350 + "1100" sqft finished basement. "1100" is in quotes because the dimensions of the actual finished rooms in the basement are 700 sqft the rest is uninsulated and unfloored.
I'm not entirely convinced we need this much space either. In terms of space 3 beds, 2 full baths, and a large family room to spend time with baby. Second, we don't want to be worrying about having to do updates right after the baby is born, so we want something that is updated. Third we'd like some office space, so either a formal living room, study, or 4th bedroom to use for this.
I do suspect alot of her feelings are Jones related. We just had some friends FHA their way into a house in Milford. I'm also going to blame the bank. When getting our pre-approval, they said we could probably go $650-$700k based on $150k income. Obviously this is far too much leverage for us. So I had them write up a $300k pre-approval which we've gradually pushed up to $350k. |
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